Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
