I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
