Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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