There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
