with your own penis?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
