can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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