Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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