no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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