Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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