I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
