Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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