pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
