Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
