Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
