At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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