The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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