i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
