i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
