just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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