Slut skills are useful in every country.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
