so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
