Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
