Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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