her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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