Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
