Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize