sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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