all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
