I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize