Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
All I want is dick and wine.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
