I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
