I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
