I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
