i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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