When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
