I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
