I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
