Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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