angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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