my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
