after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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