so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My vagina is officially offended.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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