Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Randomize