And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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