The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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