her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
