My nipple is on Facebook.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
