mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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