I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Oh god it's open bar.
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