I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
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