yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
