She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
