That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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