I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I pour the whiskey from now on
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
