if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
