I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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