Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I puked a lego.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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