i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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