My brain says no but my pants say off.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize