I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
