the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
