Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
