did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
