I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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