I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
