I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
