look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
