He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
