So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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