Swine flu. Run for my life!
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
