im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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