so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
