Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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