You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
