He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
