Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
