What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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