singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
