You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
being pregnant is like rehab
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
