standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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