she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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