I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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