he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
