i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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