just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
