i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
