I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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