you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
